"Oh, It's what you do to me"

fucking hurt

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 23:41:20 GMT

I feel like everything is going horribly wrong, everything crashing down around me. I can't sleep because parts of my body are in pain, I have no motivation to go to class, my heart is still incredibly broken; I still can't stop thinking about it. I fake every smile I give somebody; I pretend like I'm having fun drinking. I haven't been myself at all...
I haven't felt this way in a long time, I've been content, but I spose there is a point where everything just seems to go wrong, things can't stay good forever.

I can't stand it anymore really, my heart has sunk to the point I don't care about seeing anyone, going out. I know I will because then I just become amazingly bored and at that point want to see a new face. But this hope won't go away, the hope that never does me any good because by this time I should realize that they don't come back to me; I'm just a filler.

I want to talk about all of these things, but I can never find the words and I just can't show somebody how I feel about them. I blame that on why me and Roddy didn't work, he didn't know I liked him and oh how I did. I should have said something...
But apparently I can't blame myself for him going back with his girlfriend, but obviously if I did things differently it wouldn't have turned out like this.

I could tell her ya know, how would you feel then? You hurt me I hurt you, shouldn't that be how it is? No, because of that hope, if I piss him off then he's not going to want me back; he probably doesn't anyways...
Im a puppet, you pull a string I follow your command and you lead me nowhere. COMPLETELY nowhere, now im left here with bumps, rashes, bruises and gashes from all of my drinking and my careless search for admiration.

It hurts, everything hurts..

Too much Dallas Green

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:39:03 GMT

It makes my stomach sink into a knot, just thinking about it. You've lead me on AGAIN giving me just that little bit of hope and I can't have it anymore because I can't take it. I've had to get over you once and now I have to do it again. I just don't understand, you love hanging out with me, you've told me and you continue to want to be around me. I don't get how you operate, one night yr all over me and the next yr not. You don't even know how much you've hurt me, I've never cried like this over a guy and last night I couldn't stop, but it could have been the bottle of wine...
Being confused and hurt at the same time is the worst, you've said it's all yr fault and damn right it is, but you've made yr choice and it's not me. Surprise Surprise. I wish you knew how I felt before that weekend and maybe things would be different, its hard for me to talk about said feelings and now I guess Ive realized you have to, you just assumed I would.

Don't you dare

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:31:24 GMT

I never lied to you, I told you how I felt when I felt it and that was that. It does not make me a liar when things change and so do I. At the time, yes I thought we were going to be together for a very long time, but it doesn't seem that way to me now. You lost your appeal and it's hard for me to move on. Don't say you were wrong about me and you second guess shit I say, I didn't go behind your back, I was manipulative, you saw me and now that we are broken I am not the same? I am still the same person who hugged you, who held you, who would smile at you with admiration, my hearts just not in it anymore. There comes a certain point when Im in a relationship when I pick out things that I dont like about the person and those stick out and I can't ignore them, I can't commit. My theory on why I am like that is; my dad and mother got divorced and Im sure that affected me on some level and the man my mom is with now, she doesn't like she is attached to and she could be much happier. I don't want to end up like her so I am thinking the first sign of something I don't like I concentrate on that and get rid of them...

Im sorry you thought I was different and could stick it out, but from what I can see I need somebody more outgoing, somebody who is okay with a whole bunch of drunken idiots on a bus without getting all tense, somebody who pays attention to his surroundings. Don't get me wrong you were amazing and treated me so so well and I cared about you so so much, but sometimes love just isn't enough.

Stoppit.

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 23:06:21 GMT

You have no idea how much you hurt me, you understand perfectly what I am telling you, but you don't do anything about it..regardless of what you think, it's all about you, even if you tell me to tell you what I want, I won't. So is this all my fault? Is it my fault I am sitting in my empty room writing this crying just to keep my hands busy so I don't rip this room to shreds? You're concerned, but you want to talk about it later, but I want to feel okay now, not later. Prolonging this agony doesn't help, I don't know what to do....Im so unbelievadly sad and lost...I have nobody to talk to about this and not have to explain the whole situation to which I just really don't want to talk to anybody.

You seem so selfish sometimes and self ritious, but of course I'm wrong because I'm never right about you am I? Even when I am upset I feel like I'm wrong because of how you react. Maybe time apart from you is good, but I don't want to be apart from you...I love you, but maybe that isn't enough. I thought things would be different with you and I would be happy, but it seems about the right time in my short relationships for me to freak about something and get hurt...I just haven't figured out if I create this shit in my head or if its actually the guy..

Maybe you do need to change because you've had these issues before, but you're so addiment that you are who you are. I see that as a problem, you won't change, not even adapt it seems.

I don't fucking know...

It will always hurt

Wed, 16 May 2007 00:54:00 GMT

Please don't talk to me; I can't handle it. Yes those names were about you and no I'm not feeling better, so don't ask. I didn't want you to feel sorry for me, don't feel superior to me just because you broke my heart because you aren't the only one darling. I've already told you that it's too late and I'm attached; oh how I hate the word. There's that song again that reminds me of the night we kissed, there goes one of your friends that makes me think of the night I tried so desperately to catch your eye, I know this is your favourite band, and there is that picture of you that I love. You were the last draw..
You will never be able to fathom how much you hurt me in the short time we were together..I would have rathered you been like all the rest and left at the beginning, them I was only attached to for the night and were much easier to get over, but you, you gave me hope..and that is the worst you could do to me. I thought you were going to stick around, my eyes brightened and then you fled into the shadows. I didn't get the memo that said you were going to start to get distant because you had to leave, but yr not gone yet. So why not? Oh right, because you don't want to miss me...god forbid...

<3

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 17:45:59 GMT

I want you, not him...

Don't give me violins just rum

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 15:30:09 GMT

Gah, fuck it.

NEED INPUT

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 04:05:02 GMT

Please tell me if this is a good wedding speech, Im the maid of honour for my cousins wedding this Saturday and I want to see if this is good, or just corny. Please Please comment!

Ps- Bulma is not her real name, her name is Kelly, its from Dragon Ball Z
and his name is Colin, Creevy is from Harry Potter, but we spell it differently. I haven't decided on which names to use for them, it's weird for me to call them Colin and Kelly.

Bulma has always been there for me and I have always been there for her, we’ve far surpassed the point where we started to call each other a sister. Ever since I was a little I’ve admired her and I can still remember the tone of her voice on the phone when she first mentioned Colin’s name that told me he was something special. It was hard for me to accept that I would not get as much attention from Bulma as I would before Creevy, but that feeling passed once I realized how happy he made her. I couldn’t bring myself to not like him when I saw the smile he brought to her face when she would talk to him on the phone or the twinkle in her eyes when he walked through the door and I’ve grown to love Colin just as much as I love Bulma.

To this day Bulma and Creevy’s love has yet to diminish in the slightest, after 5 years together they still act as if they are in the first stages of dating where the butterflies they both give each other could bring them to their knees. Bulma once told me that sometimes when she looks at Colin sitting across the table from her it hits her that he is a separate person from herself and they stood up in front of all of you today showing you how much of a part of each other they are and became one.

Bulma, you looked beautiful walking towards Colin today, you carried yourself with a grace of a thousand angels overhead. Even the best poet or songwriter could not find the words to describe how happy I am for you and how much I love you. Colin, you were the spark that Bulma needed to shine and she will forever have that glow because of how happy you make her. I am honoured to have you as a part of our family, you’re an amazing person and just know that my Bulma deserves the best of the best and you are nothing shy of that. (Both of just remember if either of you ever feel your grip getting loose, just know that the other is right next to you and hold onto each other because neither of you will let the other fall.)?